Proof now exists.
Evidence of my impact as a writer on the community at large. Large, of course, being a subjective term
which means, in this case, the Idaho Statesman-reading population of the Treasure
Valley June 20th, 2014 when that day’s
edition of the aforementioned newspaper landed on subscribers doorsteps with
nary a trumpet to signal its magnitude.
Inside was a supplemental guide entitled 2014 Best Of Treasure Valley,
and amongst the top rated restaurants, musicians, food trucks, and hair salons
was a category called Best Author.
Before we go on, allow me to transport you back in
time. The year was 2013, the day, June
19th. The following,
painstakingly crafted piece of text captured the top position of that day’s
Letters to the Editor section:
Now come back with me to present day times and let’s take a
closer look at that 2014 Best Of Treasure Valley (or BOTV if you’re in a hurry)
supplement.
So, do you see the correlation? How’s that for changing lives?
Let us not dwell on the fact that I wasn’t, as far as I
know, nominated for the award that I so carefully midwifed into existence. Perhaps it was because I didn’t have an
official literary release in 2014. Or
maybe my honorary win from last year disqualified me somehow. There’s no way we’ll ever know so let’s not
even mention the exclusion. Instead, let
us celebrate those who were honored:
Tim Woodward
Anthony Doerr
Judy Cox
It’s high praise to win the Tom Landaluce Award for Best Treasure
Valley Author (the TLABTVA for the hurried hipsters) so please drop these lucky
authors a note of congratulations. We
writers are a needy lot and must have constant praise else we wither away yet
somehow fail to die; this last mostly out of some perverse self loathing or pseudo
masochistic temperament. So, please be
supportive and check out their work.
Here are some handy links for doing just that:
And to Tim, Anthony, and Judy, should you wish, or feel an
irresistible desire, to thank me for my selfless efforts in championing local
authors and basically forcing the Idaho Statesman to reevaluate its Best Of
categories and single handedly creating the TLABTVA with pen, paper, and blood,
sweat, and tears, I will happily accept the following gifts.
From Tim I would like a fruit basket of some sort. Preferably locally sourced and
environmentally friendly. Should that
prove impossible exotic, worldly produce shipped halfway around the globe at
the expense of our ecosystem and a myriad of exploited farm workers in third
world countries will suffice. I like
pineapples so bear that in mind.
From Judy I would appreciate a painting of some sort. Perhaps a nice watercolor. Or better yet, a watercolour; they’re so much
more fancy. Make it something that I
could use for a book cover one day.
Think classic Sci-Fi if you’re having trouble settling on a
subject. I like the color green.
From Anthony I was hoping for a gazing mirror, something in
which I could admire myself and perfect my author profile pose for future book
jacket photos of the many well received hardcover books I’ll write.
Please feel free to trade with your fellow honored authors
should you deem yourself an ill fit to adequately produce the suggested
gift. Perhaps you would rather paint a
picture instead of rummage the fruit stands for excellent papayas.
And finally, from the Idaho
Statesman… I suppose your inclusion of
local authors in your annual Best of Treasure Valley list is thanks
enough. Though it would have been nice
if you were to recognize where that idea initially came from, perhaps some sort
of acknowledgement is in order. A
tastefully inscribed plaque perhaps?
