Letter to the Editor 2014

It has finally happened to me.  For some reason I was beginning to think it never would.  And then, on Saturday, June 28^th, it finally did.  Wow, this is harder to talk about than I thought it would be.  I guess I should just get it over with.  Just come right out and say it.

I…

I was edited. 

Hard to believe, yes I know.  I am well aware that this sort of thing happens all the time when you deal with periodicals and other such publications.  I am not naïve.  I didn’t make it to the eighteenth year of my twenties without a little bit of realistic perspective infecting my brain, and yet, I found myself surprised. 

The following portrays the piece I wrote as it appeared in the Idaho Statesman.

I know, I know, you are all complimenting me on my brevity and clarity, but you’re secretly thinking: what kind of jerk has Tom turned into?  Let me assure you, I am not that kind of jerk.  And the only reason it seems as though I am is because of the shoddy editing inflicted upon me by the Idaho Statesman.  The entire second half of my wonderfully crafted tribute to the Treasure Valley’s Best was completely cut out.  It’s disgraceful!

What follows… is what should have followed.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: In the Letters to the Editor section of the June 19^th, 2013 edition of the Idaho Statesman Tom kindly pointed out the absence of a Best Author category and humbly nominated himself for that honor.]

[Author’s Note: The editor did not actually write the editor’s note, but Tom felt it important to include if only to illustrate that your letters can, and do, make a difference]

You see?  Doesn’t that make more sense now?  The way the Statesman printed it demands that the reader remember an essay (brilliant though it was) that was printed over a year ago.  Well that seemed absurd to me.  And it made me mad.

I immediately set to work crafting a follow up letter to that editor.  Something scathing and vicious.  I would put the newspaper in its place.  Everyone in the valley would cringe as I humiliated them with my words.  And then, of course, I saw the gaping flaw in my plan.  What would stop the editor from executing a few of the more rebellious words and completely neuter my attack? 

There followed a bout of writerly depression.  Some heavy drinking.  On a subconscious level I thought this might prove useful, perhaps a brilliant manuscript would manifest itself as I traversed the dark.  But alas, no, that did not happen. 

Maybe I was being too hard on the Idaho Statesman.  They are allotted only so much space per page and with everyone vying to opine about the world’s ills, or vent about the irritating things that other people do, there may not have been room for something positive and humorous. Or perhaps I was being too critical of the Statesman’s readership.  It’s possible that they recall a vast majority of the letters printed and the newspaper felt it might be blatantly offensive to footnote something that ran a mere year ago.  Especially a piece as achingly brilliant as my Best Author letter.

After careful seconds of review I jettisoned the genius-level-readership hypothesis and moved onto a content-versus-allotted-space analysis.  There were four other letters printed that day.  Maybe their content was more deserving of the precious space.  I realized that an analysis of this sort would require that I read all the other letters.  This seemed tedious.  Besides, my letter was awarded the lead position so, to me, that was proof enough its value.  Still,  I did contemplate making a quick trip through the other letters with marker, blacking out any space hogging words that deserved, much more that I, the editor’s heavy handed attention. 

But what then?  Send this to the editor and demand some sort of retraction or apology?  No, that would not do.  Depression threatened to once again cripple my writer’s ego.  I couldn’t allow that.  I needed to stay positive.  I needed to rebound from this editing disaster, do that phoenix from the ashes thing, make some really sweet ass lemonade from the leftover lemon rinds of my work. 

And I did.  I pulled it all together and wrote following piece.

Dear [Insert Editor Name of Widely Distributed Periodical]

After a successful term of service with the Idaho Statesman, one in which my name has appeared alongside the phrases Best Author and/or Best of Treasure Valley more than once, I am parting company with their periodical and seeking new challenges in a larger market.  I believe [Name of Widely Distributed Periodical] is an excellent fit for my style of writing and I would love the opportunity to work for your [Type of Periodical].  I am used to the riggers of an annual column but feel confident that I could handle the demands of something biannually or even quarterly.  I have several proposals worked out and would appreciate the chance to share them with you.  Please feel free to contact me via e-mail, phone, or post.  I have included an SASE for your convenience.

            I look forward to hearing from you,

            Tom Landaluce

            [Pertinent Contact Info Here]

2014 Best Of Treasure Valley

Proof now exists.  Evidence of my impact as a writer on the community at large.  Large, of course, being a subjective term which means, in this case, the Idaho Statesman-reading population of the Treasure Valley area.  It all happened on June 20^th, 2014 when that day’s edition of the aforementioned newspaper landed on subscribers doorsteps with nary a trumpet to signal its magnitude.  Inside was a supplemental guide entitled 2014 Best Of Treasure Valley, and amongst the top rated restaurants, musicians, food trucks, and hair salons was a category called Best Author.

Before we go on, allow me to transport you back in time.  The year was 2013, the day, June 19^th.  The following, painstakingly crafted piece of text captured the top position of that day’s Letters to the Editor section:

Now come back with me to present day times and let’s take a closer look at that 2014 Best Of Treasure Valley (or BOTV if you’re in a hurry) supplement.

So, do you see the correlation?  How’s that for changing lives?

Let us not dwell on the fact that I wasn’t, as far as I know, nominated for the award that I so carefully midwifed into existence.  Perhaps it was because I didn’t have an official literary release in 2014.  Or maybe my honorary win from last year disqualified me somehow.  There’s no way we’ll ever know so let’s not even mention the exclusion.  Instead, let us celebrate those who were honored:

Tim Woodward

Anthony Doerr

Judy Cox

It’s high praise to win the Tom Landaluce Award for Best Treasure Valley Author (the TLABTVA for the hurried hipsters) so please drop these lucky authors a note of congratulations.  We writers are a needy lot and must have constant praise else we wither away yet somehow fail to die; this last mostly out of some perverse self loathing or pseudo masochistic temperament.  So, please be supportive and check out their work.  Here are some handy links for doing just that:

woodwardblog.com

anthonydoerr.com

judycox.net

And to Tim, Anthony, and Judy, should you wish, or feel an irresistible desire, to thank me for my selfless efforts in championing local authors and basically forcing the Idaho Statesman to reevaluate its Best Of categories and single handedly creating the TLABTVA with pen, paper, and blood, sweat, and tears, I will happily accept the following gifts.

From Tim I would like a fruit basket of some sort.  Preferably locally sourced and environmentally friendly.  Should that prove impossible exotic, worldly produce shipped halfway around the globe at the expense of our ecosystem and a myriad of exploited farm workers in third world countries will suffice.  I like pineapples so bear that in mind.

From Judy I would appreciate a painting of some sort.  Perhaps a nice watercolor.  Or better yet, a watercolour; they’re so much more fancy.  Make it something that I could use for a book cover one day.  Think classic Sci-Fi if you’re having trouble settling on a subject.  I like the color green.

From Anthony I was hoping for a gazing mirror, something in which I could admire myself and perfect my author profile pose for future book jacket photos of the many well received hardcover books I’ll write.

Please feel free to trade with your fellow honored authors should you deem yourself an ill fit to adequately produce the suggested gift.  Perhaps you would rather paint a picture instead of rummage the fruit stands for excellent papayas.

And finally, from the Idaho Statesman…  I suppose your inclusion of local authors in your annual Best of Treasure Valley list is thanks enough.  Though it would have been nice if you were to recognize where that idea initially came from, perhaps some sort of acknowledgement is in order.  A tastefully inscribed plaque perhaps?